I Want A Baby

By Sara Lynn

 

*DO NOT POST ON A.T.X.C. -- ARCHIVE ONLY WITH PERMISSION*

SUMMARY: Doing favors for friends gets taken a bit too far.

SPOILER WARNING: Emily, Small Potatoes (you'll live if you've never seen either, but I don't recommend it)

RATING: PG (some talk but nothing graphic)

CONTENT WARNING/CLASSIFICATION: UST/MSR, A.

DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder & Dana Scully are soon to be mine. . . as soon as I do some funky poaching from Fox.

CHALLENGE ANSWERED: I would like to see a story, post 'Christmas Carol' and 'Emily', where Scully and Mulder decide to use Scully's harvested ova and create a *human* child, with Mulder as the donating paternity figure of course. I *love* UST, but I am very picky about characterization. I like to read a story and be able to close my eyes and actually see it become a believable episode. After 'Emily', I can see Scully as a mother figure and still fit in her FBI life. And of course, the idea of Mulder as a doting father would melt anyone's heart. I think the issues that have been brought up since 'Momento Mori' just SCREAM for something like this to be done. If I could write worth a patooky I'd do it myself, but we can't have everything. Any takers? -- Taryn

* * *

 

I want a baby. God that sounds desperate and so . . . weak. I hate being weak. Most of my life I have managed to be the epitome of the nineties woman. Career-oriented, single and on her own. Yea, I have it all . . . and I am miserable. I want so much more. I want a family, I want a husband . . . and, oh god and I want a baby.

Why am I here? What could Mulder possibly do to rectify this? I raise my hand to knock on the door when I hear my last name being called from down the hallway. A tired and sweating Mulder approaches on the last legs of a run. He slows to a walk as he nears. "Scully, what are you doing on this side of the world?"

I cannot tell him . . . yet. "Just wanted to spend some time with you."

"Are you Dana Scully? Cause the Dana Scully I know usual doesn't spend time with me."

God, he is so infuriating. What could ever make me consider . . . "Actually, I have a favor to ask. I brought some takeout if you're hungry."

"Uh-oh. Food? This sounds important." He pulled out the drawstring of his shorts where his key was and tried to remove it. I did not mean to watch. I could not help catching the sight of the dark hairs just below his navel. I jumped when the tumblers clicked to signify the door was unlocked. "Step into my parlor . . . "

"Said the spider to the fly." I wondered at the irony of a repartee as the musky Mulder smell hit my nose. Not unpleasant, but distinctly him. It crossed my mind that Mulder was moving around me placing the various cartons of food out on the coffee table. I stepped into the room and noticed that for once the area was not in disarray.

"Let me change into something more comfortable." His eyebrows wagged and he leaves me alone in the living room. Oh god, give me the strength to ask him for this favor. I want it so bad.

My eyes wander the room as I wait. A photograph I have never noticed catches my attention. It is Fox as a young boy holding a tiny baby in his arms. I assume it's Samantha. Oh, how proud he looks. "Would a baby make you this happy again?"

"Who are you talking to?"

Jesus, he heard me. "Myself. I've been . . . I was looking at this picture. Is this you?"

"Yea, I was about 4. I had pleaded with my mother to let me hold Sam. Found it last time I was home."

"You look happy."

"Scully?"

Damnit, I am not going to cry. "Sorry. All these reminds of what I can't have. . . I didn't know I wanted a baby until I couldn't."

"Yea. I know I can't have kids either."

"Why not?"

Boy, Mulder looks nervous. Whatever does he mean? Mulder is a handsome man. He can find a woman to love him and bear him a child naturally. Oh, I wish it were me.

"Mulder, why not?"

"I don't want any woman to bear my children other than you." He's crying. I did not see them start but then one after another appeared. I stood up and linked my arms under his. I hugged him tight feeling his arms come around me.

"Well, maybe I can give us what we both want." I closed my eyes when Mulder pulled away. He takes my hands and walks me back until my knees hit the armchair. I can feel his hands on my shoulders pushing me down. I felt his breath on my face as he lifted my chin. I opened my eyes to find his staring into my heart.

"Tell me." His mouth hangs open a second and I want to kiss him. Eddie looked at me the same way and I wanted to kiss him then. "Tell me what that wonderful brain of yours has in mind."

"You told me you stole a vile from the Reproductive Center with the ova they took from me."

"Yea."

"Where is it now?"

"In a reproductive center in Baltimore." I have him wondering. "What are you thinking?"

"In vitro fertilization."

"But don't you need a sperm donor?" Suddenly I see his face decipher what I mean. "Oh."

"When I saw Emily, a thousand thoughts went through my mind. Why couldn't I have this? What was stopping me? Why couldn't she be Mulder's?" I looked at his face and saw some speck of joy mixed with shock in his eyes. "You do want to be a father? You said you wanted me to bear your children."

"I do. I just can't believe I didn't think of this before." His fingers grazed my cheeks as he tucked my hair behind my ear.

* * *

Why am I scared? Why oh why am I scared? I have nothing to worry about; Mulder is right here next to me holding my hand. He's been here the entire time. I'm sure the donating wasn't as hard as the wait. Now we have to wait five more minutes for the doctor to come get me.

"Mulder, when you . . . donated your half, what . . . happened? What went on?"

"Scully, you don't want to know."

He's embarrassed. I could swear he's blushing. "Did they give you your usual form of entertainment?"

"Yea, but I didn't need it."

I looked at his face. He doesn't want to tell me. Why heavens not? "Mulder?"

"I was thinking about you and me doing . . . stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Now he got me interested.

"Making love. I had this . . . fantasy . . . about laying you down on my bed and . . . kissing you. I've never kissed you, Scully. We're about to get completely intimate and we've never just kissed." I saw his mouth come closer to me and the soft touch of his lips against mine. Nothing that would have mattered to normal people. His eyes gaze over my face and I feel the shiver.

"Miss Scully?"

We jumped apart at the sound of my name. I look at Mulder before standing up. "Yes?"

"We're ready for you."

I nod, looking back at Mulder. "Wish us luck."

"I'll be right here." He watches me leave and I know he will be there when I come back. I wish he could accompany me. He is always a brace when my strength weakens. I am scared. The nurse leads me to a white room where she instructs me to remove my clothes and put on the paper robe. I do as she says and change. Then I wait. My gynecologist comes to meet me with an explanation of the process I am about to undergo.

I remember lying down on the table and focusing my eyes on a ceiling tile. Count the holes. One. Two. Three . . .

* * *

He's staring again. I can feel the heat in his eyes burn into my skin. Why am I delaying this? If I finish this report, Mulder will insist on heading home with a quick stop at the store for a home pregnancy test. He will want to see if we're parents. Jesus Christ, I fear that this has not worked. If I am not pregnant, what's going to happen? We can't just conceive a child. Oh god, I'm crying again.

"Scully?"

I looked up not even trying to hide my tears.

"Do you want to cut out of here early?"

I take a breath and hold still. He come closer to my space and kneels beside me.

"We don't have to rush. We're going back to the doctor next week. I can wait."

"No. I have to know." I sign my name and gather my things. "We can stop by the store."

He nods and for the first time, I notice how scared he is. I take hold of my briefcase in one hand, flinging my coat over that arm. With my free hand, I reach for him. Looking at me, he lets me know he has the same fears I do.

We arrive at my apartment before I realize time had passed. I step into the familiar home with Mulder in tow. As I placed my things down, he hands me the thick box. It's now or never, Dana.

"I'll be a minute." I see Mulder's face and smile. He is scared, but this I have to do alone.

The test says it should take five minutes. I do my part and set the testing stick in the stand on the counter. Opening the bathroom door, I see Mulder jump to his feet. "Five minutes, and we'll know."

I watch him set his watch and look back at me.

"What if . . . it doesn't turn out . . . I'm pregnant? I can't . . ."

"Don't . . . think about that." How can I not? "I want you to know I love you . . . even if this doesn't work out."

"I know, but it's nice to hear it." I sit down in the vee of his legs and lean back against Mulder's chest. He hugs me tucking his nose into my hair. I feel his arms and a comfort comes over me. My hand covers my stomach and we wait.

Suddenly the alarm goes off and we both rise. I go first, but I know Mulder's on my heels. Reaching for the stick I take a deep breath and hold it. It's a . . . plus. A plus! "I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant!" I'm hysterical!

* * *

Ok, I got myself into this and I have to live with this, but why won't my clothes fit. I lay here on the bed staring at the ceiling and huffing like a frustrated . . . pregnant woman. Eight months have passed since we initially decided to become parents. We . . . funny term since I am the one with a stomach the size of my apartment.

"Honey, I want for you to come into this world, but please make it sooner than later." I pat the hump of my stomach knowing she can hear me.

"Wouldn't it help if she could answer?" I turned as much as I can to see Mulder standing in the doorway. I guess I should be happy I have my underwear on. "Need some help?" I nodded and watch him pick out a dress that I can fit into. He helps me sit up and I lift my arms as he works the dress onto my body. "Dana, I know you don't want to hear this, but why are you still fighting us getting married?"

"I want a romantic wedding."

"What about our child?"

"It won't matter to her." I pulled the skirt down and scoot to the edge of the bed to stand up. "We love her and we'll be married soon." I laugh at my comment. "I guess I'm fighting the inevitable."

"Well, if you want to fight, let's get back to the name book."

I want to scream as he pulls the book off the nightstand. He kept me up half the night reading that damned thing. Since the pregnancy began Mulder's been over here more often. He claims it's to be closer in case of problems, but I think he just wants to be close. He wouldn't sleep in my bed if he were just being friendly.

"Let's see . . . Caitlin?"

"No."

"Brigit?"

"No."

"Juliet. No. Portia. No." Mulder tosses the book back on the nightstand and comes up behind me. His hands instantly find the spot in my back where the pressure has built up.

"I'm sorry. Nothing seem appropriate for my little angel."

"That's it!" Mulder turns me around and places a hand over my belly. "Angel Scully-Mulder"

"I like it." I cover his hand and hold it to me. "What about a middle name?"

* * *

Oh goodness is all I can think of as the scream sounds out in the night. I am not the only one that jumps at the sound. Fox jumps as well. I grab my robe at the foot of the bed and pull it on as I start toward Angel's room. "Angel?"

"Mommy!" I hear her as she hiccups between tears.

"Nightmare?" She nods quickly against my shoulder. I pick her up in my arms and carry her back to our bed. Fox is sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for us to return. He steps towards us and reaches for her. I watch them and cannot imagine another man being Angel's father. He bounces her slightly on his hips as he walked back to the bed.

"Ok, baby, what did you dream?"

" Orange light and a . . . a girl flying and . . . noise . . . lot of noise." She turned into her father's shoulder and he slips under the covers still holding her close. I moved to her other side and reach over to hug her. Soon I feel her body relax and Fox and I are virtually alone.

"Dana?" I raise my eyes and see Fox looking at me. "Have I told you I love you today?"

"Not in the last three hours." He smiles at my joke.

"I love you. For making me a father and a husband."

"My pleasure." He leans forward and placed a kiss on my lips and only one thought crosses my mind. I am so glad I wanted a baby.

 

THE END