PROMISES OF LIFE

by Sara Lynn

 

I wrote this back in February when I first saw Memento Mori.

*ARCHIVE WITH PERMISSION* I really don’t care where it’s archived, just as long as my name and my address are attached and I know where it is. Please post to A.T.X.C.

SPOILER WARNING: Momento Mori.

RATING: G ; but it’s a satisfying G ;-)

CONTENT WARNING/CLASSIFICATION: V, MSR

SUMMARY: Mulder promises life to Scully

DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are owned by Chris Carter and 20th Century Fox, and are half David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson.

 

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I called. Told her everything that was going on. Your mom was grateful. She said she was sorry for leaving a day early. I took the liberty of telling her you were fine and would call her as soon as we got home. I also called Skinner. I didn’t expect him to be at work at this hour . He was glad to hear of your progress. Not as much as I was though.

I wish you could hear me. Maybe you can. You knew I loved you. I could see that on your face. Just like I knew you loved me. I was never sure before. As I read those words in that journal. . . it hit me. Harder than mere words ever would. I didn’t know where you were. . . flashes of you dying were the only thoughts I had as I looked for the nurse. Most incompetent people. . . but Byers found you in time.

My brain doesn’t register what happened after I found you next to Penny. I remember flopping down in the chair then falling asleep. The nurse running down the hall caught my attention. I knew where she was heading. I just had to confirm my thoughts and quell my doubts.

Her time had come. . . as did mine. I had to stop running away. While I slept in that uncomfortable plastic chair, I thought about what I would do without you. I would die without you. I need you. I need to tell you how I feel. I owe it to you as my partner, my best friend, and my love. This whole cancer thing frightens me. The only thing that scares the living crap out of me more than anything is fact I love you.

I felt so much better telling you I read your journal. I let you know I saw your thoughts. You’ve always made sure no one would ever know your feelings. I didn’t know if you wanted me to see them. I never expected to make you cry. I could count on one hand how many times I’ve seen Dana Scully cry. I knew, I just knew, you needed to be held. I waited until you finished explaining your new course of action.

". . . I need to do this. . . but for my own reasons."

That’s my Scully. Never show weakness. I was beginning to miss her. I never thought just being so strong would make me smile. Suddenly I knew I found her. The woman I was in love with.

"If you want that." I couldn’t even hear my own voice. I only knew I was saying ‘I love you’.

Then it happened. You smiled. Just like the moment you walked into my life. I knew it was the time to hold you. You fit perfectly into my arms. I know I tease you about being short, but truthfully I wouldn’t have you any other way. I snuggled my chin into the crown of flaming locks on top of your head. Everything about you is perfect. You are perfect. I wish I could just protect you from everything. No one and no thing would ever touch you except me.

I have had many fantasies in the last four years, Dana Scully. Most of them include you in a starring role. Tonight was not like anything I ever fantasized about. It was even better. I will never forget the feeling of your silky hair under my fingers. The curve of your body against mine. Especially, The taste of your skin against my lips.

I wanted to do more. I wanted to kiss you unlike any woman I’ve kissed before. I think I saw a flash that you did too. Not just yet, my love. That time will come soon. I want everything to be perfect. That will never happen. I could see that as I held that cold vial in my hand.

I know what I want now. My sister will have to wait. Twenty-three years. . . it’s barely possible she’s even alive. You, however, have become my life. I am growing older and so are you. Before it’s too late, I want to have children. I want you to have *my* children. No matter what may happen with this cancer, I’ll at least have a piece of you to protect forever. But now is not the time for that. I opened the door to find you standing in front of the open window. The white robe was the only thing separating you from the sunrise outside. You surprised me as you turned back and smiled again.

I knew you wanted to be held once more. That’s why I wrapped my arms around you. Did I mention how great this height thing is?

I’m sharing the best fantasy of all. Watching the sun come up with Dana in my arms. Now it was my turn to cry. But I couldn’t hide them from you.

"I can’t do this" I wanted to scream, but it came out as a squeak. I opened my eyes to see you looking up at me. I couldn’t see anything but that thin finger brushing aside my hair. "Dana, I don’t want you to die. I don’t want you to leave me."

"Shh." I couldn’t think anymore. I felt your fingers touch my lips and nothing else existed. My eyes slid shut as your lips curved to mine. I died. I swear I just died. They are so soft. What did you do to make your lips that soft? I’m going to find out. Oh, Dana, you’re making it hard on me. Literally. I know that once we break apart, I’ll never be able to let you go.

And I didn’t. You pulled away from my mouth and stood in the circle of my arms. We didn’t need to say anything. Just being like this is everything.

Dana, I know you can’t hear me. I just want to make you a promise. I will find the men that did this to you. I will find a way to save you. I will find a way for you to have my children. I promise, with all my heart, that I will love you for as long as we both shall live.

 

The End