Twin Peeks

Twin Peeks

So cold. Biting ice nipping away at feet, hands, head. Too cold for a New England autumn. Way too cold. Thud. Dead dull thud of cold, damp soil falling on soft flesh. Thud. Sorry, so sorry. Thud. Wasn't supposed to be like this. Thud. Another spadefull. Thud. Another.

Thrust upwards from the depths. Fight it. Anything, give anything for a lungful of air. Fight it. Thrashed upwards until he could breathe again. Gasped at the rich taste of oxygen.

Where was Sam? Oh God, Sam. She'd been there. Down there, damp soil weighting her down. And now.

"Are you ok?"

What the hell.

Fox Mulder collapsed back into the pillows, started at the sudden recognition. That voice, this bed, the warmth by his side. Scully was here. Here. In Scully's bed. Tried not to cry out as the blinding imagery of his dream seared itself into his memory.

ET> What the fuck.

> I don't know what you mean.

ET> Which word?

> Ha, ha. I'm writing. It's my day off. No football to watch. No fireworks to plan. Lover boy's in the wrong country. I'm writing. It's what I do.

ET> A Mulder nightmare? Mulder and Scully in bed. Come on, tell the truth, you've got hormone trouble again.

> I don't know what you mean.

ET> Gotcha.

> Pardon?

ET> If you were writing you wouldn't repeat a sentence like that, except as a dramatic device.

> So? What makes you think it wasn't dramatic.

ET> You're evading the issue.

> I don't know what you mean.

ET> I thought writers had a command of the English language.

> Just take your meds and go and lie down.

ET> Or else?

> Or else I'll invite Mrs Scully around and get her to teach Scully how to bake cookies.

ET> You heartless bastard.

(A short struggle occurs, it has to be short because both twins are five foot tall.)

Mulder almost leapt from the bed, pausing only to make sure that the camera angle was suitable for prime time TV. He turned back to face her, only the halo of her red hair, as she sat up, stopping the Fox censor from heart failure.

The audience howled in disgust and demanded a rewrite or at least a copy of the blooper tape.

"Sorry Scully. I got tired waiting for you and thought I would have a lie down."

"In my bed?"

"Sorry. The couch. It's a little short."

"So you tucked yourself into my bed. You asshole. I could have blown your fucking brains out. In fact, I still might."

She rose slowly, anything below shoulder height hidden from view by a large lampshade curiously located at the end of the bed. Surprisingly she was quite close to Mulder's height after this maneuver.

Mulder looked nervously at the floor, concerned that this might indicate some new found levitation talent in Scully. He was relieved to see that in fact she was standing on a box.

His relief led to a mistake, he opened his mouth. "Why haven't you got an clothes on?"

"Why haven't you?"

"I'm assumed to a bit pervy by the audience, they'll make something up. But you got into bed with me."

Her eyebrows moved into a double inverted V formation. "Don't try and deflect me. You killed my sister. You gave me cancer."

She took a step forward and towering above the crouching figure of her partner brought the gun to his head.

> Pardon?

ET> You heard. Good, isn't it. Better than that soppy romance angst crap you were planning on churning out.

> You're just writing Psycho Scully meets porno wimp boy.

ET> Porno whip boy? Tasty.

> Wimp boy. Wimp.

ET> Ha, ha, so you admit it. You think Mulder's a wimp.

> How dare you.

ET> Jeez Joann, how do you make that vein stand out on the side of your head like that?

(A brief but violent struggle ensues.)

Mulder knelt, contrite and conciliatory under the cold pressure of the gun. "Dana."

Scully's arm tensed and Mulder knew he had no time left. He threw himself hard and fast forward into Scully's legs. A single shot rang out.

Glass shattered in the background. Mulder tumbled into Scully's arms. Snatching the gun from her flailing hand, he stretched across her slender writhing body.

Mulder slumped in relief as he safely intercepted the gun.

Sudden awareness of naked flesh on flesh, Scully wriggled below her partner's rapidly hardening body. Survival, raw and untamed, capable and willing to play the role of fast track aphrodisiac. She shivered at the sudden rush of moisture.

ET> That's gross.

> You left me in a difficult position.

ET> Not half as difficult as Scully's.

> You started all that playing to the camera stuff.

ET> Bull. You put them in bed. You're just too wet to follow it through.

> I think following it through is exactly where I left Mulder.

(In the ensuing melee the keyboard loses several keys.)

Scu;;y quickly kneed Mu;der in the ba;;s.

Mu;der ro;;ed, groaning, to the f;oor at her side.

She ;eapt for the bedside cabinet and her spare gun.

"You've got up to 10 to get the he;; out of my apartment.1. 3. 3. 4. 5.

"Stop, Scu;;y. You can't."

"7. 7."

"At ;east give me the chance to put some c;othes on."

She sighed. "Ok. Just make it quick."

Mu;der ;ooked confused.

"Get dressed quick. What the he;; did you think I meant."

He shrugged and pu;;ed himse;f quick;y into his tight, b;ack jeans and ;oose fitting ;eather jacket.

ET> B;ack jeans and ;oose fitting ;eather jacket?

> Sure. Neat, huh.

ET> Put your tongue away, you don't know where it's been.

(The twins agreed to repair the keyboard and place it safely out of the way before battling for supremacy over a nominated keyboard substitute. The Evil Twin was later to use this unusually rational conduct as part of the evidence in her sanity hearing.)

Mulder stared hesitantly into Walter Skinner's eyes. "Please. I need your help."

Skinner took a noisy deep breath and closed his eyes against the barrage of Mulder's hazel assault. He licked his lip. "What do you need?"

"You," sighed Mulder, his voice almost a whisper.

Skinner let out that deep breath he'd taken earlier. "I."

"I need you to go around and see if you can get Scully committed to a high security psychiatric hospital for a few days."

"Get Scully committed?"

"Yeah, bet that'll break the heart of the Bureau bookmaker."

"Nah, they lose most when it's the favorite who comes in. So, what's up. She seen the Angel again?"

Mulder shook his head.

"Her dead kid giving her advice on how to handle an investigation?"

"No."

"She's adopted a devil doll?"

Mulder frowned at his boss's gross stupidity.

Skinner took another go at it. "She's going to a burn-in on a bridge out of state?"

"No, nothing like that."

"So, get on with it."

"She wants to kill me for ruining her life."

"So do the OBSSE."

Mulder flinched at the initials, then pushed himself upright, ready to defend himself. "Not all of them."

"Yeah, and not all bears are hungry, but would you want to take a chance?"

"Some of them want me and Scully to get together."

"Only so Dana can chop 'em off and get her mother to cook them."

"Sir!"

"Anyway, this'll knock that little fairytale out of them." Strong manly arms reached forward to find the narrow waist of his subordinate. He pulled Mulder closer, a wet whisper in Mulder's ear, "let me explain."

> You've gone very quiet.

ET> I'm in shock.

> Ready for your meds?

ET> You were writing this angsty MSRy thing, then the next minute…

> You were the one who interfered. Need I remind you. You introduced the nudity. And psycho Scully.

ET> Yes, but, I…

> You're becoming monosyllabic and incoherent. Time for a little lie down.

ET> But.

> It's ok, let's get you back to the tower. It's peaceful there. Just a little peace and quiet so you can find space and time to control these little fantasies of yours.

ET> Fan..

> Fantasies, delusions, call them what you will. I was trying to be non judgmental.

ET> But, what, if, you. You might…

> Don't worry. I'm not going to write anymore, there's no more to be said, not right now.

Sorry guys, it just sort of happened.